Why Does It Take Courage to Be or Become Who We Really Are?
I don’t know about you, but I grew up with a sense that I didn’t fit into my family, I kind of felt emotionally mismatched. This was truly difficult at the time.
Both my parents were working hard in their respective professions. They both loved me very much and in the very best way they could-given their own unprocessed traumas of being children of World War II.
My mother was emotionally insecure, so I figured out that it helped my mother’s emotional equilibrium when I was ‘good’ and compliant at the cost of being real and authentic.
It’s been part of my life’s journey to become an authentic person, being real and true to myself.
You might ask: And what does that mean?
In my mind, being true to ourselves, requires two core skills.
- We need to be able to tune into our inner experience.
- And we are required to find a way of articulating our thoughts and feelings – first to ourselves, and possibly to others, if that is helpful and required.
In other words, we need to know what we feel in any given situation, to be able to respond to the situation.
In a nutshell, being authentic means: learning to find our own truth, holding to our own truth, and negotiating with others what is true and important to us.
Over the years, I found that speaking what is true to me and openly expressing my values can feel like being naked when everyone else is fully dressed.
It can be really exposing and scary to stand up for ourselves, to say NO and to express a view that isn’t popular.
There is a risk that we might be disapproved of, rejected and disliked.
So, becoming who we really are requires courage to withstand the discomfort of disapproval, conflict, and rejection.
And this means sometimes having to let go of relationships – yes.
It can also lead to a great deal of respect from others and real connection, which is the best.
For me the real pearl of wisdom is this:
‘Being true to ourselves demands accepting and loving ourselves, even if others don’t.’
This can be a real challenge as well as a superpower!
What about You? What’s been your experience with becoming or being who you really are?
Would love to read your thoughts.
If you are ready to embrace who you really are, please get in touch – I might be able to support you on your journey.
Kirsten
