How To be Truly Kind to Ourselves When Feeling Miserable and Unwell?

There are many shiny & happy people on social media. Right? Sometimes I am one of them. Sometimes not. 

Social Media can become a dreaded place when life feels shitty, and we are struggling. 

There are exceptions. One of my friends from the coaching school that I am currently part of, recently shared her experienece of

feeling heavy-hearted, disheartened, and  disappointed about results not coming as fast as she had hoped for and things not going to plan.

My friend also talked about her insight about wanting to be the kindest to herself when life is the hardest. 

This really resonated with me. I just had two to three weeks of not feeling at my best – or more honestly, feeling at my worst at times.

I came across an Alan Watts quote which really speaks to this: 

‘For God’s sake, tell us something that will save us from ourselves. Take a deep breath and tell us your deepest, darkest secret, so we can wipe our brow and know we’re not alone’.

I am sharing my story of the last few weeks in the Alan Watts’ spirit.

At first my daughter was off school with a nasty cold, which triggered her asthma. We had a few appointments with the doctor to make

sure she had the right medication and medical input.

As a devoted mother, I prioritise giving my daughter lots of my love, time, and support. 

One evening it involved driving around town visiting six shops and supermarkets hunting down Fisherman’s friends, the only cough sweet

my daughter found soothing. 

Can you believe it, there seemed a national shortage of Fisherman’s friends?! 

This was hard and tested my patience as my battery was running low. 

Once my daughter started to feel better – I started to feel worse. 

Not only had I caught the nasty cold virus, but I was also feeling exhausted, sad, and alone. I wanted ‘MY mummy and daddy’ who died two years ago.

My inner little girl was  feeling the loss once again. 

Having spent a lifetime evolving my capacity to be the kindest when life is the hardest –which by the way included succeeding and failing repeatedly,

and getting gradually better at it;  

I managed to do the following:

  • Slowing down and at times radically Stop pursuing my work, my commitments, and engagements in the outer world of DOING.
  • I asked my inner little girl ‘How can I support you sweetie?’ – Stepping into my inner wise women made me feel less like a motherless child.
  • I did some Guided Visualisations that feel kind, gentle and comforting.
  • I shared my vulnerability with a close friend and had a good cry with him, which made me feel better, lighter, and more connected. 
  • I observed the nature of my thinking. Our minds tend to tell us self-defeating stories, when we are vulnerable and struggling – using well-trodden neural circuits formed in childhood.
  • I disengaged from social media – too many happy, successful shiny people’s stories make me feel worse, when already feeling rubbish. 
  • Lots of cuddles (I love cuddling our little dog) .

For me, the process of strengthening Self-Love & Self -Acceptance at the deepest level is the most worthwhile project to invest in. 

This will carry us through life and infuse energy into all other life projects – work, love, parenthood etc – like nothing else.

How do you handle feeling rubbish, vulnerable, emotionally, or physically not well?

If you would like to arrange a sincere conversation with me about your struggles with self-love & self-acceptance and are keen to makes changes, please feel free to get in touch.

I will be happy to set aside some time for a conversation with you – no cost, no strings attached or obligation beyond. 

With Heartfelt Wishes to You,

Kirsten Heynisch